I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
