Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
