so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
