I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
