Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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