If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
this boner is exhausting
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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