***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
