i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
