She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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