Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
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Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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