fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
