He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
