Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
