I cockslap morals
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
