I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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