Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
