my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
