He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
