it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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