I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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