i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
