I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
