And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
