oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
