How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Let's get the cat blown out
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
