I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize