well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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