Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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