Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
did you just send me my own nude
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
