You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
