eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
