respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
