I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
