where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Acid is not a monday night drug
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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