3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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