my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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