You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
