Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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