Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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