my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
