shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
