You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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