Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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