i just had sex bonerless
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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