drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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