Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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