just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
COCAINE IS GR8
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
