my vag is so smooth its legendary
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
