alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
