all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
