....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
