That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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