You kept calling me your small dog last night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
