hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
