i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
