hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
