Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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