youre lurking in front of me
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
