i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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