no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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