don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
