I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
