you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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