I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Your penis caused this!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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