I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
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Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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