i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
