Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
